The indentured playdate

I hate this new age of child rearing; somewhere there is a masochistic yummy mommy that decided kids play dates and parties should now be inclusive of the parents. In my opinion the only palatable reason for buying overpriced plastic for someone else’s kid, is when I am relieved of my offspring for at least three hours. Today countless parents are having indentured play dates with other embittered parents all wishing they knew who started this nonsense, if you ask me, needlessly. It’s moments like this where I can’t help advocating the urgency of legalizing Marijuana to the other parent’s. I’ve got to be honest here, I am completely baffled why the head of the PTA did not lift me on her shoulders and throw confetti in the air in a resounding assent to my edict. Perhaps I am just unable to read the inevitable approval of my suggestion, due to her facial muscles having been botoxed to within an inch of her life. As it turns out, my suggestion of obtaining a big fatty and lighting up behind the garbage shed is not acceptable behavior. She says this to me while taking out her ‘Zanax filled’ aspirin bottle and popping a few milligrams of serenity. The other mothers nodding in agreement to the absurdity of my thoughts while mentally tallying the size, shape, and milligram of every antianxiety pill being popped, patiently waiting for PTA mom to slip into the powder room to quietly bum a couple for themselves.